The Rule Maker

Imagine for a moment that rather than having a single personality, it was made up of lots of different parts, and that each was a miniature personality with its own traits. Let’s call these sub-personalities. The one that most commonly gets talked about is the Inner Child, but I’d like to talk about another.

This is the Rule Maker. You might meet it as a critical voice telling you what you should do. Or you might meet it as a sense of what is the proper way to behave. It might even visit you as a warm, comfortable feeling when you’ve done the Right Thing. The Rule Maker might help you define who you are. It might control you like a puppet on a string.

My own Rule Maker really annoys me, because he does not want to give me an alternative choice to his rule. His power exists only as long as I am not conscious of him and what his rules are, so he goes in the shadows and whispers his rules so softly that I can’t hear them clearly, but they slip into my mind like thieves. Occasionally I can listen carefully enough to catch what he is saying and then the game’s up for him. I realise he’s fed me an assumption and that I’ve been acting without making a choice. At that point I might even choose to do what he suggests, but it’s not a rule any more, it’s my choice.

We all have a Rule Maker of some sort. I work with people to help them listen to themselves and discover what the rules they live their lives by are. Sometimes these rules are really getting in the way and need to change. Always they limit choice until we see them clearly. One way you can spot your Rule Maker at work is if you feel anger and resentment because you have to do something or act a certain way. Often this is something we blame on others or circumstances – but actually it may be your own Rule Maker.

If you’d like to talk about any other life coaching issues, please feel free to contact me on  I offer a free half hour Life Coaching telephone assessment to see if working together could be beneficial for you. If you’d like to understand more about Life Coaching please watch my video at


Chris Paul

Life Coach

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