My Cat Diary by Nimbus – 13 April

Alan from Oscars

You haven’t heard from me recently. There’s a reason for that. I don’t know if you’d noticed but the last pieces were all about my weight. That’s all they wanted me to write about, like I had nothing else to say on any other subject.

I thought this over and decided it just wasn’t on. We’re dealing here with an often overlooked problem, that of fatcat-ism. There’s been a lot about fat cats recently in the news as well as things called off-shore trusts. I wouldn’t trust anything ‘off-shore’ myself. I hate water. And about Panama, which is apparently a very thin country. You see what I mean? The persecution just keeps building.

We have every right to be any shape we want to be. As long as we can fit through the cat-flap, of course. And chase mice. And run up trees really quickly when the humans are looking which always makes them go ‘ahhhh!’ and reach up to stroke us whereupon we take a swift clawed swipe at their hand.

So, as long as we can do those things we shall not be dictated to and shall not tolerate having their images of the ideal feline form imposed upon us. If necessary, direct action must be taken to stamp out this discrimination.

The direct action I decided to take was to spend most of the last month asleep on the sofa. That’ll show them, I thought.

It was a bit boring at times I’ve got to admit – but sometimes you have to suffer for what you believe to be right.


Nim diary April 1Nim diary April 2Then last night, the female human told me that Alan from Oscars was coming round the following day with the ghastly weighing machine and could I write a few words as per usual?

No way, I said. Then she offered to pay me – two mice without being shouted at and a month off being brushed, which I hate – after which it seemed to be perhaps not such a bad idea. I made sure I got one of the mice in advance, went out and nabbed it there and then. Yum yum.

So, Alan came round and it turned out that I’d actually lost weight in the last six weeks – down to 5.6kgs from 6.2kgs in January, whatever that means.

I have to admit that thanks to Alan’s help I think I look pretty good in these pictures. Sleek, if you know what I mean. Well-toned. Even Mrs Vet will be impressed. And just look at that fur colour. The ideal feline form, I’d say. I think I might sign up to a modelling agency. But first I just want to ask…seriously – does my tail look fat? No, go on, you can be honest…


To catch up on Nimbus’s previous blogs see:

My Cat Diary by Nimbus – Week 1

My Cat Diary by Nimbus – Week 2

My Cat Diary by Nimbus – Week 3

My Cat Diary by Nimbus – Week 4

My Cat Diary by Nimbus


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