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Hilary’s Book Review: I Need a Wife by Toni Kent

I salute Toni’s take on life and I think that I Need a Wife should be on every teenager’s reading list to help them understand that adults aren’t as alien in our thought processes as they think! Here is one of the poems from the anthology:

Tights That Are Too Small

Tights that are too small
According to the packet I’m not too tall
According to the packet I’m not too wide
But the tights that have been stuffed inside…

Do not fit me, in the way they should
They’re from John Lewis – they ought to be good!
With every move, the waistband slips
Eventually stopping just on my hips

The gusset now sits by my knees
Who the hell is designing these?!
I attempt again, heel and toe
To coax them up my leg but no

They’re somehow twisted, the fit is not right
You bloody cursed, stupid tight!
I hoik you up and lose my rag
Then ladder the front, and they start to sag

They’re supposed to be “10 denier – nude”
But in actual fact my ‘look’ is screwed
I’ll have to go bare legged today
And hope I don’t scare children away

I must apologise in advance
If on the street you should, by chance
See my almost blinding lily-whites
It’s not my fault, I blame the tights

Poetry purists may find some of the rhyming stanzas too convenient and the change in rhythm from verse to verse unsettling at times.  However, Toni’s wicked humour about the small details of life that we seldom talk about is very entertaining (and often cathartic).

If you ever have a chance do go to see her perform her poetry live – she is a great stand-up comedian. I also recommend Toni’s prose. Do follow Toni’s blog where she is able to fully develop her ideas.

Hilary Stockwell

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